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None of this suggests that polyamorous people are somehow immune to jealousy, Holmes said. The person feeling jealous is encouraged to examine their own psyche to find out what's bothering them and which of their needs aren't being met.Then the pair (or triad, or quad) can negotiate boundaries.On Valentine's Day, images of couples are everywhere.They're buying each other diamond rings, making eyes over expensive restaurant meals and canoodling over chocolate-covered strawberries and champagne.Research is largely limited to self-report and surveys, in which people can be tempted to present themselves in a positive light.There are, however, some key definitions to understand. It includes sex-only arrangements, such as two committed partners agreeing that they're allowed to seek no-strings-attached sex with other people.It also includes polyamory, which involves multiple committed relationships at once with the consent and knowledge of everyone involved.

In the 1970s, partner-swapping and swinging (recreational sex outside of a relationship) came into the public eye, and psychologists conducted a few studies.

"It turns out that, hey, people are not reacting with jealousy when their partner is flirting with someone else," Holmes said. you need to see if it holds up even in extreme situations." In another example of polyamorous people potentially turning typical psychological reactions upside-down, Holmes conducted a preliminary analysis of about 200 polyamorous people, asking them about feelings of jealousy.

Typically, he said, you'd expect to see that women are more anxious about emotional infidelity, while men worry more about sexual infidelity.

But in this case, the happiness stems from a lover's external relationships.

That finding challenges much of what traditional psychological research has established about how jealousy works.

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