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My own husband acted as wali for two women who asked him to do so, because being married to a convert, they were confident he would understand their situations best.Arranging the marriage was really a team-effort for my husband and me, but it worked very well.Intercultural marriages will come up next, but firstly a Muslimah needs time to “find herself” as a Muslim, to learn about her deen and grow into it before she selects a lifelong partner.While we like to pretend there aren’t different stripes of Islam that attract different types of people, in reality there are. One may become attached to a particular madh-hab and yet another may just be content doing the bare minimum. This is reality, and instead of arguing the merits of this group or that, a convert needs time to learn and read and “settle” on what they believe is correct; it’s ultimately what we all do.In cases of born-Muslim women this is obviously objectionable, because the danger is she will choose a wali who will be a token-piece and allow her to marry someone clearly harmful to her.With converts, however, it seems that the delegated walis are often already token-pieces by default.

The sharī‘ah requires a wali to protect the interests of the woman and prevent her from marrying a man who is not compatible with her, or will take advantage of her (two points that will come next).Of course the man should still be someone that can be vouched for and has a good reputation in the community.Though it may be a slight turn from the books of fiqh that say, in a Muslim state, the wali-ship should go to the qāḍi or imām, in reality the spirit of the sharī‘ah indicates that the wali-ship should go to a trusted individual who will best fulfill the requirements of the position, not someone who has a technical term of leadership attached to his name.This list isn’t exhaustive, but is meant to highlight the four main pitfalls that converts seem to be most prone to when tying the knot.Because a convert does not have a Muslim father, her wali, or male custodian, at the time of marriage often falls to someone with a leadership position in the local community.




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